I didn’t reach here easily. I came accompanying others, but I was treated in a special way with plenty of leniency. I wonder if they know the number of years that have left their marks on my back. Or did my features and lineaments and those small spots that dappled my skin give away my secret and disclosed my age? Whatever is the others’ impression of me, I feel today exhausted. I fear being unable to participate in such evenings. Did I grow old? Or am I no longer able to bear what I used to bear in the past years of my life of human absurdities, their hypocrisy, empty egos, and blabber that make me feel sick epically in such evenings. I must admit that I am no longer like I used to be in the old days. I was a person with the patience of a camel and the endurance of a donkey. Time rules overall, even me. I am not young; I am about to enter my last year of my third decade in this company. How fast the days pass! In fact, how long and hard the hours were in many times, as I don’t count my age in days; rather, I calculate it in hours. I sometimes feel so bored that I calculate it in minutes especially if I must attend a meeting, a seminar, or a party that I must attend. I had to closely get to know many people and experienced moments of pain and moaning and seconds of rest and harmony. I don’t exaggerate when I say that I met many different shades of people.

2

The start of my life in this company was an unusual one; I was at the beginning of my professional life. I was young and brilliant with many other qualifications, which the company recognised and paid for it an amount of money that none of my peers or folks would dream of. I shared, despite my young age, the same office with the manager of the department and the way he treated me made me feel special because he allocated me a desk opposite to his desk. I remained at this desk for 20 years because, using my gorgeousness and elegance and what I gained of skills and good professional conduct, I managed to turn the managers’ head towards me. He doesn’t look at or seek the help of anybody but me until I became his favourite. I considered myself to be very lucky, I did not see or hear off any of my relatives, friends, or colleagues who had this much privilege from their work as much as I did. As for my family, they weren’t very well off, but they belonged to the middle class. All praise is due to the Creator for what he bestowed upon me as none of my relatives stepped on a work grade higher than of the toilets where they spent their working hours. But then there are those who Allah gifted with the boon of working in presidential palaces, so they got the sustenance and enjoyed the comfort as they say.

3

However, things don’t stay put, luck didn’t continue extending its welcoming arms to me; instead, it contradicted and opposed me. Its tricks were indeed hard. As on one unlucky day, I was feeling tired because of the intense efforts I exerted and the suppression I suffered due to enduring for weeks more than I could possibly bear. The department manager was in a meeting with some of the managers of the other departments. I felt then that the seconds were passing so heavily, and moments were charged, even more than the minutes and hours for which this ominous meeting lasted. I prayed so hard that the Creator would do something that ends this meeting, so we are relieved.  It seems I brought it on myself as one of the employees stumbled and was about to fall but instead he pumped into me suddenly so I twisted my leg, after a brief sting of pain I couldn’t hold on so I fell to the ground knocking in my way the coffee tray of the manager and the coffee spilled on his clothes which he was very proud of before his counterparts. The coffee spots spread out on his paunch which has grown bigger and bigger over the last ten years. He sprang out of his seat trembling and shouted and shrieked without looking at me while I was flat on the floor. I don’t know how the night passed, after which I did not see the office and those therein. That abhorred manager issued a decision transferring me to the storages after my return from the treatment which he couldn’t prevent me from getting, due to the strength of our association and so I remain at his disposal to benefit from the skills I still have. I returned to work, not as I used to do in the years of my brilliant youth because the effects of my broken leg still threaten me sometimes so I cannot control my movements, but I pretended that I got well so I continue working hoping that my good appearance can intercede with the managers so they delegate me on missions, which all I hope to get from is some comfort that I sorely miss in the storages.

4

My plan has worked, so I stayed in service and luck continued flirting with me from afar sometimes, so I get delegated to a party or a seminar by a company to assist the managers and senior employees. This is what brought me here tonight. Given my long service for this company and my close relations in the past, and sometimes at present, to senior Sirs and Mesdames and ladies of this company, workers got used to treating me with respect and sometimes with leniency. It could be because of the years’ long experience, as I like to name it, or the perceived ageing which started to crawl all over my body as it is. I was in the first line with VIP guests around me on both sides. I don’t understand why seniors in our company are senior in everything: age, weight, load and puffiness. The invitees started to arrive to the hall which could house up to 200 persons. The first five lines were allocated to the prominent Sirs and Mesdames. Observing the arrivals is such a joy. This man is very old; he walks crumpling, sways right, then sways left and cannot see under his foothold. However, he walks surrounded with a clique of senior employees on his right and another one on his left. Is he the chairman of the board? Few minutes later, a lady in her late thirties entered and I was surprised at seeing her. I looked right and left because I couldn’t believe what she was wearing. I thought she entered the wrong hall. She wrapped her body with a long evening dress that has a long tail of two or three folds of length of her height. Its colour is bright blue undermined by the sheer brightness of the yellowness of her hat.  She was walking with gentleness as if she was walking in a fashion show with her being its star. What happened people? Are we in a wedding? What I know is that we are in an official meeting attended by the chairman of the board, board members, and senior managers. Heads turned around following her step by step. Then a few young men appeared, I was appalled by their clothes. It seems I am from the old age, which is impressed by nothing, but their trousers were so tight they looked as if they were actual parts of their bodies, drawn on their bodies, and their waists shifted down shamefully. Oh, God I seek your forgiveness and repent to you.

5

Each guest took his place until the hall became full. Two minutes only before the meeting starts, the pace of guests picked up, so they started running trying to reach their seats. In the last minute, a young man in his early twenties, who seemed panicking, looked here and their then decided to take his seat hurriedly, I think, so he sat next to me. His face reddened momentarily, and panic continued to overcome his body, he swallowed his saliva then it seems he started to feel settled on his seat and will not allow anybody to remove him from this place. But his luck and mine were bad. Just in the last minute, a group of senior managers arrived including my abhorrent manager who became puffier with an even bigger paunch.  One of his aides hurried towards us pointing to him: here, please come here. Then he shot a degrading look at the poor young man and hissed in his ear with a low and thick voice: this chair is for the manager you boy? Don’t you know that? Get up! The young man panicked even more, and panic restrained his tongue, so he said nothing. The aide did not give him the chance to get up from his seat as he pulled him from his arm and pushed him away from myside. The aide repeated his invitation to the manager saying: please come and sit here this is your seat. I complained mumbling to myself about my bad luck before the manager reached me to take his seat.  Anger was evident on his face when he saw the poor young man who had the audacity and reached in his rudeness a stage, in his opinion off course, that he took his seat. The aide leaned toadying forward towards me saying: please sit down. You are most welcome. The angry manager did not like this excessive toadying from his aide, so he gestured with his hand to the aide, so he goes out of his way. Then he fell with all his body which seemed like an elephant on me without mercy, without gentleness and clemency, and without the bear minimum of humane feelings. I felt that the place went dark, I couldn’t see anything of the hall, and suddenly my breath was suppressed, and I felt the clash of his entire body mass, flesh, fat, bones, hate, aversion, and contempt. I didn’t feel anything, but I heard a weak sound made by me moaning “Ahhhhh”. Then a loud voice pierced my ears mixed with clicking and rattling sounds as if my bones have been smashed by a huge iron hammer then I lost consciousness for few moments. A loud scream filled the hall reaching my hearing from afar followed by great commotion. A voice came out which I think was saying my name: the chai…. r, bro…. ken, the … man…. ager…., fe…. l do….wn…. fe….ll… do…wn.

London 22 June 2014